Children as Ecosystem Members

All things in nature grow when they are supported by the environment. Adequate sunlight, nourishing soil, consistent water, and protection during vulnerable stages are some of the things that support natural growth. A plant without water isn’t accused of failing to behave; it is understood that it is simply in need of watering.

Families work in a similar way.

Children’s behaviors don’t exist in isolation. They are influenced by:

• nervous system regulation (both theirs and yours)

• daily rhythms and routines

• emotional safety and connection

• the stress levels, values and capacity of the adults that care for them

When we zoom out and look at the whole system, behavior begins to make more sense, and change becomes more sustainable.

Regulation comes before behavior

One of the core principles of my parenting philosophy is that a regulated physiological system is the foundation for cooperation, learning and emotional growth. This refers to both the child and the caregiver,

When we are dysregulated, as children and adults, we lose our full capacity for logic, reasoning, and even response to consequences. Rather than asking how to stop the unwanted behavior, I encourage parents to ask:

• What state is my child’s nervous system in right now?

• What state is my nervous system in right now?

• What would help us both feel a little safer, steadier, or more connected?

Stay tuned for more articles like this, and contact directly to work with me!